Searching Blindly
by sweetdreamz
Summary: Lily may not be the most popular, the skinniest, the most out-going, or the prettiest, but she prides herself on being smart. But when she decides to change her life, the ones who picked on her can’t help but be amazed. But Lily had been through too m
1. Searching For Something

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Searching Blindly  
  
Summary: Lily may not be the most popular, the skinniest, the most out- going, or the prettiest, but she prides herself on being smart. But when she decides to change her life, the ones who picked on her can't help but be amazed. But Lily had been through too much. Especially after struggling with anorexia. But Lily knew them at their worst and isn't accepting that now they are sorry. For her, it doesn't work that way.  
  
Rating: PG-13 for swearing  
  
((Swearing is just a habit. I use it to accenuate points. *Shrugs*))  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine!  
  
Author's Note: I'm starting this on a whim because I love fics where Lily isn't perfect and there aren't enough that are realistic! It drives me crazy! So This is what I'm starting now!  
  
Also, I've never seen a fic with Lily being anorexic. After going through anorexia myself, and seeing so many of my friends struggling with the same battles, I wanted to write something about it.  
  
IF ANY OF YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH ANOREXIA AND DON'T FEEL LIKE I REPRESENT IT CORRECTLY, LET ME KNOW. I CAN'T REPRESENT EVERYONE'S VIEWPOINTS AND FOR YOU IT MAY HAVE BEEN DIFFERENT. BUT THIS WAS HOW IT WAS FOR ME.  
  
)  
  
Chapter One  
  
She sat in the Gryffindor common room, surrounded by laughter and animated conversations, but she was away from it all. She was in a corner, far away from the people she now knew she couldn't trust. She observed them, as she always did, a slight envy touching her mind. Shaking her head, she pushed that emotion away. She knew what they were like. Caught up in appearances and how much money you had. The Marauders, as they were known, sat in the center of all the confusion and excitement.  
  
Lily Evans smiled ruefully. The crowd of girls that generally surrounded them was still there, and as always she was relieved that she was not one of them. Oh yes, she had been through that. She closed her book and walked up into her dormitory. It was empty, all of the other inhabitants down in the common room. She walked into the bathroom and looked into the mirror.  
  
Her bright red hair fanned out behind her and her brilliant green eyes were hidden by glasses. She sighed in despair as she glanced at her figure. How was she ever supposed to change the world looking like a cow? She thought with scorn as she examined her very chubby body. It signified indulgence. She turned away in disgust and quickly left the room.  
  
She quickly lay down in her bed. Summer was coming. Three whole months away from this school and these people. That was what she needed. She viewed the ceiling above her. A lot could happen within two months. Revenge even could be accomplished.  
  
She rolled over again. Yes, she made better marks than them and yes, she would probably eventually have a better job than them. But they would always be prettier than her. They would always have the bodies she wanted. They would always have her one-uped, no matter how important brains were. The way you looked was your first appearance. Indulgence was a weakness and weakness' were not to be tolerated. Those words had been drilled into her head since she was a child. "Don't be weak, Lily." Her father had intoned. "A weakness is a weapon in an ememy's hands." Now she believed him. But how to change?  
  
Oh of course, she knew about dieting. She knew you had to want it badly in order to succeed. Now, more than ever, she wanted it. Summer was an opportunity, she decided. A chance to change herself for once and for all. She would never again be called Chubby, and if that nickname stuck, than it would be a joke.  
  
That of course was her biggest reason of hating the Marauders. After calling her that for years, many people actually only knew her as Chubby. That and the pranks they had played on her, ranging from changing the color of her robes and her hair to having the words 'lighter than a tree or atleast some trees' fly around her head. Once they had changed her robes into one of those shirts that muggles sometimes wore, with the perfect body on them. Her mind burned with fury at the thought of the many things they had done to her.  
  
A week more of school, she thought. She would begin it all tomorrow. When school started after the summer, she would be more than ready.  
  
~*~  
  
The next day in Charms, she doodled on her notebook. This time though, it was not birds and chipmonks, but now it was calories. She figured the calculations in her mind and scribbled them down. 3,500 calories in a pound, burning atleast 1,000 calories a day. That would be one pound lost every 3.5 days. More if she worked hard. 2 pounds a week, twelve weeks a summer. Approximately 25 pounds. 30 if she worked hard and was lucky.  
  
In the midst of her calculations, someone tapped her on her shoulder. She quickly covered the writing and whirled around. James Potter stood there with the rest of the Marauders, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, and Remus Lupin.  
  
"Chubby," James started, "We were wondering if you could help us with this charm-"  
  
Lily's eyes narrowed and she stood up and started walking off. "What's her real name again?" James whispered. "Lola maybe." She heard someone reply.  
  
"Lola," James followed her, "Really, you're the only one who is talented enough to be able to do it." She rolled her eyes and walked faster. Lola? After ruining her life, they couldn't even bother to remember her name. She had been with them for four years. And now he had the nerve to try to flatter her? Who did he think she was? Some retard who would fawn all over him just for talking to her?  
  
"That was smooth, Prongs." She heard snickering behind her and she walked into the distance. God, she hoped they hadn't seen what she was writing.  
  
At lunch, she picked absently at a salad. Bertha Jorkins, leaned across the table. "Lily, is that all you're eating? You didn't even eat a thing at breakfast!" Lily tried to look sickly. "I just don't feel well," she lied.  
  
Her father, Charles Evans, was a lawyer. The best. If his client was guilty, no one would know until it was too late. He could lie better than anyone she had ever met. Luckily she had picked that skill up from him. When she was hurting, the rest of the world didn't need to know. It was a very useful skill.  
  
She quickly tallied up the day so far. 20 calories for that stick of gum around breakfast, 70 for the juice, 40 for the salad. Only 130 calories! Now she could eat a regular dinner, as long as she didn't break 500.  
  
~*~  
  
Four days later, school was about to end. She smiled as she tossed her belongings into her trunk, ignoring her roommates as they chattered endlessly.  
  
She was very proud of herself for the past week, but longed for a muggle scale. She wanted to know how she was actually doing. She felt so strong! Eating only one full meal a day showed her what she could do. She finally controlled part of her life.  
  
She leaned back against her wall, a daydream filling her mind. She walked into a room, looking stunning. Her 5'9" frame was lean and willowy, but had curves in all of the right places. The Marauders looked up at her with awe, and she walked past them, rolling her eyes.  
  
She was jolted out of her daydream by her roommate, Ananda Pruett. "Chubby!" She said angrily. "Move! I need to get my stuff out of the closet too!"  
  
Lily got up and walked away. When she was beautiful and smart, she wouldn't care what these people thought. She wouldn't care at all.  
  
~*~  
  
As she boarded the Hogwarts Express, she searched for an empty compartment. Finding one near the back, she sat down in it. Later, as the rest of the school boarded, Severus Snape and Lucius Malfoy, walked into her compartment. "Fatty!" Lucius said with false happiness. "I'm so glad you're here! Now move!" He smiled and then let it drop so he could glare at her.  
  
"Hey, leave off." A masculine voice sounded from the hall. She looked up in surprise. Remus Lupin entered the room. After a few brief words that Lily was too amazed to listen too, Snape and Malfoy left. Remus sat down beside her.  
  
"Listen, Lily. I know that we haven't been nice to you and I understand how you must feel about us." His eyes met hers, and she could tell he was serious. "Well, you have the wrong idea about the guys, but I know where you got it. I wanted to tell you that I'm really sorry about it all. I know what it is to be treated like dirt." He gave her a quick hug. "I'm sorry."  
  
He left and she looked after him in surprise. That was..odd. She couldn't help but wonder what he meant, saying that he understood.  
  
The ride flew by, her mind filled with thoughts about how life could be and how she should lose so much weight. The train pulled to a stop and as she exited, Remus caught her eye and smiled. She walked over to her parents car. Her mother hugged her and her father gave her a scornful glance. Her weakness was obvious to him. She thought sadly. But it would be gone soon. She would be strong enough to defeat it. 


	2. That Something Is Perfection

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((A/N: Thanks for all the reviews! They were great! I'm going to look at that story with Ginny being anorexic.  
  
Anyway, I don't want to spend a WHOLE lot of time on the summer, because not that much is going to happen. But I think 2 or 3 long-ish chapters ought to do it.  
  
Searching Blindly  
  
Chapter 2  
  
"Lily," Her mother said nervously. "Lily, I would really like to see you eat." She shoved a plate of bacon and eggs towards Lily and with an emotional gag, she accepted it. She picked through it slowly until her mother left the room and then quickly called Alfie, their golden retriever over. "Here boy." She quickly let him eat the remainder of her meal and then left the room after putting her dishes in the sink.  
  
When she walked back upstairs, she hopped on her scale. I've lost 8 and a half pounds! She smiled victoriously. She'd been home for almost two weeks and each day she counted how much she weighed and how many calories she had consumed. One more pound and I'll be down into another decade thingy! She chuckled to herself and then tallied up the total calories of the week. ((I did this when I had cravings, I don't recommend it.)) 2,970 total, out of the 5,000 she allowed herself weekly. She shrugged. Salad for dinner ought to be only 50 calories or so, and then the week will be over.  
  
She walked into her bedroom and flopped down. She picked up her list of pounds and crossed off 8. Then she pulled out her yearbook and flipped through. These people had fueled her want to be exquisite. Their mockery had driven her through the cravings without a second thought. The pros and cons were firmly aligned in her mind and she knew the pros outnumbered the cons. What is a little bit of hunger? She asked herself as she always did. Pain is gain. It will strengthen you.  
  
~*~  
  
Four weeks into the summer, she was still holding her count. Now it was steady at around 20 pounds lost so far. 10 more and she would weigh the weight doctor's recommended. Petunia walked into Lily's bedroom. "Lily," She began quietly. "Mom really wants you to come down to dinner with us. Friends of theirs will be over in a few minutes and she would like for you to meet them."  
  
Lily smiled slightly. Petunia, even though she could be demanding and bratty sometimes, was usually a dear, as far as younger sisters go. "Tell mom I'll be there. She is making a salad, right?"  
  
Petty nodded and turned to go. Hesitantly, she turned around. "Lily?" She asked slowly. "Do you think I'll go to Hogwarts when I'm old enough?" Lily smiled. "I don't know, sweetie. I guess we'll have to wait a few years to find out, won't we?" She leaned over and tickled her sister. "You nine year old monster!" Lily winked. "Now go tell Mom that I'll be there, okay? Don't forget about the salad either." Petty nodded seriously and smiled, a missing tooth making her look comical. "Okay."  
  
Petunia had idolized Lily all through their childhood. She had colored her hair red with a marker once so she would look like Lily. And once she had covered her sunglasses with green construction paper so they would 'look like Lily's'. Once, Lily had hated it. But now that she rarely had to put up with it, it didn't seem so bad.  
  
She glanced in the mirror, frowning. She really needed to get an appointment for her hair. Sighing, she pulled half of it up with a barrette and ran gel through the rest of it so it was more corkscrew curls than a giant bush. She dabbed on a bit of her new make-up and pulled out a cute skirt and shirt that she had just bought. Most of her old clothes didn't really fit anymore, they were all too big. She glanced in the mirror, feeling slightly satisfied that her stomach didn't pooch out at all and then walked downstairs, pausing to buckle her Mary-Janes ((A/N: mary sue.::cough:())  
  
"Lily dear?" Her mother called her from the kitchen. "Would you mind answering the door? I believe our guests are here. Your father said to lead them to the study." Lily quickly responded yes, and walked into the living room.  
  
She pulled open one of the heavy double doors, saying in a practiced voice, "Welcome! Please come in, dinner will be ready in a minute." The family entered the foray and she gasped. Remus Lupin? Why on earth.HOW on earth had his family met Henry Evans? Remus smiled at her. "Oh, hello, Lily. I didn't know it was your family." His parents shot him a look as though asking where on earth he had met this girl. He flashed his smile at them. "She's a girl from school." They raised their eyebrows but kept standing there. Lily flushed. She forgot to take their coats and lead them inside! Her father would be so ashamed!  
  
She quickly went through the rest of the formalities with an expertise that came from practice. She quickly showed them to her father's study, a cozy room with a fireplace. He usually only took his most prominent clients there and she wasn't quite sure why the Lupin's were so important. But with an inward shrug, she turned them over to her father.  
  
"Lily?" Her father addressed her in his company voice. It was friendly, caring, and affectionate. Very practiced. "Yes, Papa?" She replied in the same tone of voice. This had always been like a game to her. "Would you mind showing Remus around? I'm sure he'd love to see the horses." Lily nodded and smiled at Remus. "This way." She quickly left the room. An expression of confusion flitted over her face, and for once she was to surprised to suppress it. Why on earth had her father done that? Usually, she turned his guests' children over to her mother or to Petunia. Her job had always been to show them the way.  
  
"Lily?" Remus was looking at her in amusement. "Do you always have battles with yourself?" Lily glanced at him with surprise. Oh lord. You always should mask your emotions, silly! She flushed. "No, I'm just a little confused. This isn't the erm, way we usually do this."  
  
Remus shrugged. "Your father knows I attend Hogwarts and that is the same school as you, so it does kind of make sense in a way." Lily nodded, surprised that that conclusion hadn't occurred to her earlier. "Yes, I suppose."  
  
"So didn't your father say something about horses?" Remus questioned. Lily flushed once again. She had forgotten herself three times! That was horrible! Tomorrow, you aren't eating a thing! She quickly planned her punishment. Not eating was punishment and made her stronger, and it was good for her diet! It was a win-win situation.  
  
Lily led him outside of the Evans manor and showed him the stables. As always, they were perfectly presentable and she winked at her friend, the stable boy, Aaron. She led him to Fully Montague's stall. "This is my horse, Monty." He nodded and Monty came over. "So, Lily. How's the summer been treating you? You look great by the way."  
  
She smiled at him. "Thank you. My summer has been wonderful. I finally feel in control of my life again." That much was safe, she supposed. "How was yours?"  
  
He grinned wolfishly and she was surprised at how.well, wolf-like he looked. She thought back to the school year and all of his absences. What was wrong with him? Her mind shrugged. "It's been great. Prongs, Padfoot, Wormtail, and I have been doing the usual. You know, hexing innocent people, terrorizing the country." He shrugged, still smiling.  
  
Lily stiffened. "I see." He looked at her in surprise, then realization hit him. "Lily, I-I know I shouldn't presume to know everything about you feel, but I do understand more than you know. And that day, on the train, when I said that you had the wrong impression about the others, I wasn't just saying that. They pull a mean front, and I don't really know why they do what they do, but-they have befriended those you wouldn't expect." He had chosen his words carefully there, Lily observed. Too carefully. It has to do with him, I believe. Perhaps it's his sickness.  
  
She shrugged. "I see. Is that who Prongs, Padfoot, and Wormtail are? James, Peter, and Sirius?"  
  
He nodded, relieved to be off the former subject. "Yes. Well, in order, it would be James, Sirius, and then Peter." She raised an eyebrow and giggled. "Peter does look like a Wormtail. I assume you have a nickname also?"  
  
"Yeah." He leaned against the wall. "I'm Moony. Pleased to meet you."  
  
Moony? That's very odd. As is Prongs, Padfoot, and Wormtail. Wormtail.Wasn't that a nickname for a rat? Prongs.Padfoot. She absent- mindedly patted her horse's neck. She debated giving him a guilt-trip. Finally, she smiled innocently. "I'm Chubby. The pleasure is all mine." His smile fell. "Lily, I really am sorry-"  
  
She interrupted him. "Don't be. I don't want nor need sympathy. Trust me. I find it." She paused. "Amusing."  
  
Remus gave her an odd look and began to say something, but a call from the house interrupted her. "Dinner will be served in a few minutes!" Spacey, their server, stood outside. "Thank you, Spacey!" Lily called back. She brushed off her hands. "Are you ready?"  
  
Remus nodded. "Yes, I am." Both had unconsciously picked up their formal speech, knowing that at dinner, nothing else would be acceptable.  
  
~*~  
  
Dinner was interesting. For Lily anyway. For anyone else, it might have been dull, but Lily closely picked up each and every current of emotion she felt. Her father was dancing on eggshells. She had never seen him this careful with a client before. The intricate dance of formalities was amusing. Remus seemed uncomfortable, but he was hiding it very well. She was quite impressed actually. She hadn't seen someone that good since.well, herself. She was eating her meal politely. Taking just the right amount and leaving the correct amount on the plate. You wanted to complement the cook, but not seem like a glutton. She took a small sip of her sparkling grape juice.  
  
"Lily," Remus's mother began, "Remus tells us that you attend Hogwarts as well." Lily smiled and inclined her head at Remus as an acknowledgement. "Yes, we are both in the same house as well as year." "I trust you find the school very interesting." His father said, with an unusual twinkle in his eye. Most guests never made an attempt at humor. But that was a definite jest. Interesting. That meant they were very prominent people. "Yes, I do." She smiled in a way that could be interpreted as conspiratorial or friendly.  
  
The conversation drifted back to her father and business. She resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Desert was served a bit later, along with coffee. She politely ate her minuscule piece of German Chocolate pie. OH MY GOD, This is so many calories! Why can't it be fat-free? Or at least low-fat! Two days of nothing, she finally decided. This is too much!  
  
~*~  
  
After that, the night closed quickly and Remus and his parents set out. "Henry, so we will see you next week?" Informal language..the plot thickens, Lily thought, finally pulled out of her dazed, thoughtful state. "Of course, Michael." Henry said. "Suzanne, I will find the information you requested immediately." She nodded and shared a look with Michael. "Our secretary will send the directions to your office in a few days." Michael continued. Remus smiled at Lily, and she waved covertly. He waved back in the same fashion. They left and the family scattered.  
  
Lily sat down in the living room, after grabbing a glass of water from the kitchen. "Lily?" Her father's voice sounded from his office. She immediately caught his annoyed tone and quickly went into his office. He was pacing the room.  
  
"Lily, you know I have never involved anyone in this family with my practice." She nodded and he continued. "However, the reason the Lupin's are sueing is well, related to the magical world. I should not tell you any of this of course, but I must have the information. They fired their last lawyer for not being able to be adequately informed. I must have this lawsuit! It would set us for life if I win." He was almost blabbering. She looked with amazement at her father's loss of control.  
  
"Lily," He turned and faced her. "I need information on lycanthropy. I don't care how you get it, or what excuses you give, just get it." She nodded, as clockwork fell into place in her mind. Lycanthropy, Moony, the absences that appeared to be on a regular basis. As it clicked, she nodded at her father. "Yes, of course. Any specific information?" Her father shook his head, looking releived. "No, just in general. Anything you find that is even remotely related. Also, since it will be dealt with in the normal court system, see if it is anything like rabies."  
  
She nodded again. "You may leave." Her father intoned, with a wave of his hand. "Oh, and Lily?" He said as she neared the door. "You may be a clerk for the firm this summer, if you wish." She smiled brightly at him. "I'd like to." She quickly left his office and shut the door. Then she jumped up and down and twirled around as soundlessly as possible. This is great!  
  
Lily quickly sobered. Remus was a victim of lycanthropy? Did that mean.She shook her head. Silly girl, he's still Remus. It doesn't change a thing. Besides, she thought as she trudged up the stairs. That was probably why he said she had judged his friends incorrectly. Lily sighed. Yes, he was lucky to have them accept him. But that didn't make what they had done to her ok.  
  
But when school starts, it won't even matter! Because I'll be perfect by then. She smiled and got ready for bed. Once she lay down, the day dreams of how life would be filled her mind as they always did.  
  
~*~  
  
((Hello! Well, I'm getting this story out quickly! Lol I just want her summer to be over. Anyway, for those of you who read my other story, Innocent Deceptions, sorry for the wait! I'm working on it..  
  
Welp! Have fun! I'll update soon! And I won't say I won't update unless I have a certain amount of reviews, but I do enjoy my reviews! *Hint, hint* 


	3. Just A Little More

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_ ((A/N: OH WOW! It has been ages. No real excuse for me. But I'm getting better! I have a chappie for this one and for Innocent Deceptions. I'm bucking up. You all need some stuff to read and I need some stuff to do!  
  
Disclaimer: Um, we don't really need to do this, now do we?  
  
Searching Blindly  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Monty galloped across the fields behind the Evans residence. "Atta boy, Monty." Lily breathlessly murmured into his ear. He quickened his pace, even though his sides were already heaving. She pulled her left rein, heading for the fence. She loosened the reins, counted the strides, and then-  
  
"Lily!" A voice called from the stables.  
  
Jesus! Monty spooked at the call and she barely had time to turn him away from the fence they were planning on jumping. His sides heaved, with nervousness as well as exhaustion. Lily quickly dismounted and shot a very annoyed glance up to the person who called. She set her head against her horse and spoke gently to him until he calmed down.  
  
Finally, she took the reins in one hand and slowly began walking up to the stables. Someone was leaning against the fence. Ignoring them, her vision blurred, she led Monty into his stall and untacked him. Hearing footsteps, she began to speak as tears began to fall.  
  
"Do you have any idea what you could have done to him? To me?" She was quivering now from the rage she was trying to contain. She struggled to control herself. "A thoroughbred couldn't have taken that! He would have had to be put down. Do you realize this?" Calmly, Lily. Anger is not going to help you now. She wanted to hit something, anything.  
  
She whirled around suddenly. "Do you have any clue what that could have done?" Her jaw dropped as she recognized the person. Remus? A very pale, worried Remus stood in the doorway of the stall.  
  
"Lily? I am so sorry. I didn't think-I didn't know-" He tried to apologize, fumbling as he went.  
  
She brushed the tears away. Stop crying, you pansy. That's a weakness. "Remus."  
  
"God, Lil. I'm so sorry. Is he-Are you? Is anything wrong? Will it- is it alright?"  
  
Monty shoved his nose into Remus's palm and whuffed softly.  
  
Lily chucked even as she snuffled one last time. "He forgives you, so do I."  
  
She met his eyes and smiled gently. He smiled back quavering. "I'm so sorry."  
  
"I know you didn't mean to. It's fine." She laid a hand on Monty. "He and I are getting along wonderfully. We're thinking about competing, aren't we, boy?"  
  
His smile brightened. "That's great! You looked really good out there!" Remus blushed lightly. Lily did look different. Goodness, she was beautiful. She glowed or something. Wow.  
  
Catching his appraising glance, she bit her lip to hide a smile. The weight was almost gone. She was almost happy.. almost. Calories-She pushed the thought out of her head. This was a friend. Actually, the only person from school to see her all summer. They'd have to chat, of course.  
  
"Thank you. Monty here is a great horse. He could go really far." She patted the bay fondly before leaving the stall. Brushing off her jeans and tank top (worn in as best she could, having only owned them for a summer), she glanced at him quizzically. "Why are you here anyway? I mean, it's a pleasant surprise, but usually."  
  
He grinned at her. "Yes, usually, I would be here for dinner and you would be all dolled up, not coming straight from the pasture!"  
  
She laughed, knowing that he knew the intricacies as well as she. "Precisely!"  
  
"Who knows, some lawyerly sort of thing." He shrugged. "But anyway, it's been a few weeks, hasn't it?"  
  
Lily nodded. "Sure has. Actually, I believe it was about 6 weeks. School'll be starting in about the same, won't it?" What was left in her summer? The 30 pounds was gone. Maybe 10 more. Get hair cut, buy new robes. Lily, pay attention to your guest.  
  
Leaning against the wall, he nodded. "Something like that. You're the mathematical one."  
  
She laughed. "Can't really wait for it to start. I'll miss things, of course. I'm anticipating school a bit more than usual." Unknowingly, a wolfish grin spread across her face. Ananda Pruett? Oh, she was going down.  
  
Remus looked at her quizzically. "And what might you be anticipating?"  
  
Lily gauged him cautiously. Oh, why not? He is the only person you could even semi consider a friend. "Reactions, I suppose. To me. To the way I am now."  
  
He raised his eyebrows. She was so unpredictable. He never knew what she'd do or say. "You mean, no longer being Chubby?"  
  
"Well, yes. You have to understand, love. I'm invincible." Another devilish smile spread across her face, thinking of the dropped jaws and stuttering she could expect. "My goal is essentially achieved. Everyone is in for a shock. After they realize that I'm not some exchange student, they'll about have a cow when they find out that I am.. well, who I am."  
  
He looked at her with concern in his golden eyes. How much weight was it safe to lose? She really had lost a lot. But it was Lily Evans. Above all, the girl was smart. She probably discovered some miracle diet and will become world famous for it. He shrugged off the bad feeling he had. "Interesting plan."  
  
"Oh, it is." She motioned with her hand up towards the manor. "Care to head up? Or would you like to take a ride? Monty never got a full cool down. I'd hate to leave him like that."  
  
He smiled at her. "Sure. Why not? I'm not great, but I'd love to see you jump some."  
  
Tossing him a helmet, she winked. How weird to be this informal with him. But I suppose.that's how friends are. "Alright. But you are so tacking up your own horse. Aaron's off today. When are we to be back?"  
  
He grimaced. "Mum and Pop had some argument with the Ministry again. It should be a while."  
  
"Fair enough. Met me out here in a few." ~*~  
  
"Jeez, Lily. How far does this trail go?" Remus shifted uncomfortably.  
  
Lily smirked. Someone hasn't been riding recently. "Been a while since you've ridden?"  
  
"Yeah, well.. When I left for Hogwarts, we sold our horses. It has been a while, actually. Take it easy on me."  
  
They neared a bend in the path. The trees parted and the now fading sunlight glistened off water. Blue-green water in a lake appeared.  
  
Remus drew in a breath. "Man, does that look good."  
  
Lily smiled at him. "I agree. But we're not quite where I want to be."  
  
He rolled his eyes and followed her as she led the way around the lake. On the other side, there was a space in between the trees, with a bench that overlooked the mountains. Lily quickly dismounted. "The sun will be setting in about 10 minutes, I'd say. Would you like to watch it?"  
  
Remus nodded, his muscles whining as he dismounted. He grabbed her reins and quickly tethered both horses to a near by tree.  
  
Returning, he found Lily sprawled on the grass, playing with some clover. Lying down beside her, he picked up a clover as well. Fiddling with it for a moment, he snuck a glance at Lily. She was so smart, so funny, and so absolutely perfect. Not to mention gorgeous.  
  
Lily felt his gaze on her. She turned her head and met his eyes, a small smile playing upon her lips. He looked so adorably vulnerable. On a whim, she lifted a hand to brush his hair away from his eyes. "Yes?" She said playfully. Do I-I think I want him to kiss me.. I think I really might.  
  
Meeting her eyes with all seriousness, Remus leaned in slowly. Shock flew through Lily's eyes like a cool wind in a forest. Hesitating slightly, she closed them as Remus closed the distance.  
  
It was nice. No fireworks or anything, but for her first kiss, she imagined it wasn't at all bad. Very sturdy, dependable. She felt protected, secure. Remus caught her lower lip lightly in his teeth, but before the kiss could deepen, Lily pulled away quietly. She smiled at him slowly.  
  
"The sun is setting." The first thing that came to mind popped out. You idiot! That'll be 500 calories of this week's total! I can't believe you just said that. Lily stopped herself before a blush came on.  
  
Remus lifted his arm around her shoulders and she nestled her head near his shoulder. "Lily?"  
  
"Hmm?" She questioned, very content and warm.  
  
"I was wondering if.if well, if you might like to be my..girlfriend." He was staring off into the sunset, not wanting to look at her. He hoped she didn't think he sounded idiotic. That wasn't exactly planned well, old boy. He could hear James now. Gee, Remus, you think it might have sounded a tad less superficial if you'd waited a bit? Then he'd make some snide comment about how would James know about not being superficial and James would answer that he only had to know how to sound as though he wasn't.  
  
"Sure." Lily said softly, her quiet voice pulling him away from his thoughts. He shot her a grin. She winked back.  
  
"Probably ought to head back up."  
  
"True." However, neither moved. The sun disappeared behind a mountain, and Lily realized that if she didn't hurry, they would be back later than they should. Apparently, the same thought occurred to Remus. He stood and offered her a hand.  
  
The ride back was fairly silent, but not in a very awkward way. Lily was thinking of Remus. The fact that he was a were-wolf was unimportant. They were absolutely normal 30 days and 29 nights of the month. But she wasn't supposed to know. And she couldn't very well say that her father had told her. The whole practioner-client confidentiality law stood in her way there. It would have been possible for her to figure it out. She had been close to figuring it out anyway, she rationalized to herself.  
  
Remus had thoughts of his own, even though it was on a quite similar topic. Remus, old boy, how smart was that? You ought to have explained about.you. The way you are. She should have been told. What if she finds out? What if-  
  
"Lily?" As they neared the stable, she heard Spacey call her. "Lily! Coffee and dessert in 45 minutes. Your guests will be joining you" She nudged Monty into a trot, hearing Remus do the same behind her on Rocky.  
  
"Thank you, Spacey. We will be ready by then." Lily called in her practiced voice. Remus chuckled.  
  
"What?" She turned around indignantly.  
  
He smiled. "It's just.you sound remarkably like me. The company voice and all. So practiced and perfect and look-at-me-I'm-the-little-hostess."  
  
She elbowed him lightly, as the led the horses in. "Ha! You have one too. Hello, Mr. Evans. The pleasure is all mine." She mimicked him, doing a remarkably good impression.  
  
"The stables are right this way!" He mimicked her back. She giggled and rolled her eyes. "Just go put your horse up, smartie!"  
  
In Monty's stall, as Lily ran a brush over him, Remus's arm slithered around her shoulders. He pulled her closer and leaned in for a kiss.  
  
"Lily, Mum said I could come talk to you and Remus for a bit-EEK!" Petunia's surprised shriek shocked them both. "What are you two doing?!?!?"  
  
"Petty?" Lily pulled back immediately, her mind racing. "Petty, darling, well, you see.."  
  
"Are you Lily's boyfriend?" She asked Remus, ignoring Lily altogether.  
  
"Yes, doll, that I am." He said in an amused voice.  
  
"Oh." The young blonde pouted at her sister. "You didn't tell me that."  
  
"Well, Pet, it only happened recently. I would have told you! I know that I can trust you, especially about things I need you not to tell Mum and Papa, right?" Lily nodded at her little sister, trying to use all her powers of persuasion.  
  
"You can!" Petty wrapped her arms around her sister. "Put me on Monty!"  
  
Obligingly, Lily put her sister on top of Monty cafefully. "When's the last time you rode Bloke?" Petty shrugged.  
  
"Don't you want to be a good rider?" Lily chided gently.  
  
"Lil," Remus said quietly, knowing better than to be late. "Maybe we ought to head up to the house."  
  
"True. Come now, Pet. Could you keep Remus amused for me while I go change clothes?"  
  
Petty nodded excitedly, grabbing Remus' hand. "I can show you my dolls and my pretend bake set and my-" Her voice faded as they went up the path.  
  
Lily quickly finished up in the stable and headed up after them. Sprinting up the back steps, she went to her room and quickly pulled on a pair of grey cordoroy pants and a blue shirt. Washed her face, dabbed on a bit of make up, and then pulled her hair out of the sloppy pony tail into a semi- decent head band. She left the room and headed to Petty's play room, where she heard Petty's voice happily talking.  
  
"All right, dears. I suppose you're almost ready?" Lily said as she reached the doorway.  
  
Petty began to pout. "But I want to play with Remus."  
  
"Here, doll." He lifted her up onto her shoulders. "You can go downstairs like this, how's that?"  
  
She smiled, thrilled by the height. "Look, Lily, I'm taller than you!"  
  
"Sure thing, love." Lily smiled at her sister, and they went down the stairs, pausing to take Petunia off his shoulders near the bottom. "Appearances, darling." Lily murmured. "Remember the game I told you about?" Petunia nodded.  
  
They entered the sitting room, where their parents were speaking quietly. Her father smiled warmly at them. "Hello. Remus, I trust Lily has kept you entertained this afternoon?"  
  
"Oh yes, of course. I had a perfectly wonderful time." He leaned down to kiss his mother on the cheek and took a seat in a nearby armchair. Lily smiled at her mother and also sat down, Petunia right by her side. Conversation began, but of course it was the boring kind. Lily made all the appropriate noises and let her thoughts trail. Spacey brought out coffee for the adults and hot chocolate for herself, Remus and Petty. Small dishes of ice cream were then passed about.  
  
Lily ate a few bites, throwing an occasional glance at Remus. Gosh. She had a boyfriend. Lily Evans had a boyfriend! And he was a Marauder. Which by no means was why she accepted! No. It was a plus, however. It was over fairly quickly and Lily's thoughts took up most of the time.  
  
She smiled as the Lupins prepared to leave. "Pleasure seeing you all." She said politely as they exited. The pleasantries were always to be observed, of course. The responses were made and the house was once again full of only her family.  
  
Lily headed to the kitchen and grabbed a celery stick and a glass of ice water. Why was she so hungry? She'd eaten two bites of ice cream! Not to mention that glass of orange juice for breakfast. She indulged in one more celery stick and headed up the stairs humming to herself.  
  
She was going to get her haircut tomorrow. It would be wonderful. She would be wonderful. She smiled and blew a kiss to her reflection. It would all be perfect.  
  
~*~  
  
((A/N: Long very uneventful chapter. But I suppose that's what these late night things do to you. Well, good luck. Please review, sorry it took so long. OH, and whoever commented on Lily and Remus getting together, good call! Lol thanks so much to everyone for reviewing.))  
  
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